Non ho un buon rapporto con mio padre: le ultime poesie che scrivo sono incentrate sul mio bisogno di affetto paterno, mi escono così, non gestisco le dita, si muovono da sole, i miei pensieri fluiscono e rileggendo queste poesie capisco come io abbia bisogno di attenzioni da parte del mio genitore.
Molte volte mi sento in colpa per quel che provo nei suoi confronti, vorrei dargli una possibilità o due di cambiare, di capirmi, ma sembra che la mia speranza sia inutile. Provo rimorso nell'augurargli delle cose brutte, me ne pento, mi auto-accuso, mi sento una merda, eppure il suo comportamento nei miei confronti non cambia e io sono, in un certo senso, costretto a stare nel mezzo, a essere diviso tra l'accusare e il ritirare l'accusa, tra l'odio e il perdono. Non credo di odiare mio padre! In un certo senso gli voglio bene, ma, come ogni altro essere umano, ho bisogno di cose reali, di certezze, di un affetto provato con le azioni, ho bisogno di contatto (I Need Contact - cit.) e allora non avrò più dubbi, ricambierò l'affetto senza preoccupazioni.
Ascolto "No Son of Mine" e mi sento come il ragazzo della canzone, anche se mio padre non mi ha mai trattato male fisicamente, ma con le parole. Molte volte in me sorge la voglia, o l'istinto, di scappare di casa, ma non lo faccio, è solo un'idea, perché io non voglio fuggire dalla mia famiglia, ma da mio padre, e lo sto già facendo, parlandogli a malapena, ignorandolo. Gli voglio bene perché è mio padre, perché mi ha fatto nascere, ma non per altro. Ascoltando "No Son of Mine" mi vengono i brividi! Mio padre non mi hai mai detto "Tu non sei figlio mio!", non mi hai mai rinnegato, anche se molte volte forse avrebbe desiderato che io non fossi suo figlio. Io l'ho sempre perdonato della sua insensibilità al mio bisogno d'affetto espresso indirettamente attraverso i gesti e probabilmente lo rifarò, sono pronto a rifarlo, anche se forse farò male. Il perdono è meglio dell'odio, no? Lo spero!
Elenco tracce e testi
01 No Son of Mine (06:42)
Well the key to my survival
Was never in much doubt
The question was how I could keep sane
Trying to find the way out
Things were never easy for me
Peace of mind was hard to find
And I needed a place where I could hide
Somewhere I could call mine
I didn't think much about it
'Til it started happening all the time
Soon I was living with the fear every day
Of what might happen that night
I couldn't stand to hear the crying
Of my mother, and I remember when
I swore that, that would be the last they'd see of me
And I never went home again
They say that time is a healer
And now my wounds are not the same
I rang the bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he'd say
Well, he sat me down to talk to me
He looked me straight in the eyes
He said, you're no son, you're no son of mine
You're no son, you're no son of mine
You walked out, you left us behind
And you're no son, you're no son of mine
Oh, his words how they hurt, I'll never forget it
And as the time, it went by, I lived to regret it
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But where should I go, and what should I do
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But I came here for help, oh I came here for you
Well the years, they passed so slowly
I thought about him every day
What would I do if we passed on the street
Would I keep running away
In and out of hiding places
Soon I'd have to face the facts
We'd have to sit down and talk it over
And that would mean going back
They say that time is a healer
And now my wounds are not the same
But I rang the bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he'd say
He sat me down to talk to me
And he looked me straight in the eyes
He said, you're no son, you're no son of mine
You're no son, you're no son of mine
When you walked out, you left us behind
And you're no son, you're no son of mine
Oh, his words how they hurt, I'll never forget it
And as the time, it went by, I lived to regret it
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But where should I go, and what should I do
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But I came here for help, oh I was looking for you
You're no son, you're no son of mine, no
02 Living Forever (05:40)
I'm feeling so confused today,
It seems they've changed the rules again,
Cos in my life I'm trying hard,
To do it all so I can remain,
Healthy and sane.
I'll live forever,
Always one more tomorrow,
Living forever,
Always one more tomorrow.
I heard it on the radio,
Too much of what they said wasn't so,
And now we've got to do those things,
That they brought before were so wrong,
To be healthy and strong.
And live forever,
Always one more tomorrow,
Living forever,
Always one more tomorrow.
I know we don't need you,
I know we don't believe you,
You don't really have the answer,
You think you know better,
You think it really matters,
You just want to rule over everybody's lives.
I think I'll change my life today,
Gone are the times of taking care,
And I don't need a reason why,
All I need is all in a day survive in a way.
Or just till tomorrow,
Always one more tomorrow,
Living forever,
Do you really want to live forever.
Carico i commenti... con calma
