PARIS TRE JOLIE
Mi trovo a Parigi nella Hall dell’Hilton e mi chiedo: secondo voi, quale disco avrei dovuto recensire trovandomi qui? Hotel Plaza di Faust’O? Hotel Supramonte di De Andrè?! Ohhhhhhhhh…bravi, vedo che avete fatto uno più uno e ci siete arrivati da soli.
Così, armato di registratorino e camomilla, aspetto la principessina-sciacquetta-testimonial per l’intervista che mi ha promesso per l’occasione del lancio di questo suo primo lavoro che, in una vampata di originalità, ha intitolato “Paris”.
Che avrà voluto dire con questo titolo ermetico a più livelli di lettura secondo voi?! Dura eh?
Ma non voglio essere polemico prima del tempo… conto fino a 10, faccio un respiro profondo e sorseggio questo The Lypton al “gusto Ramadam” con aplomb da Very English Man.
Eccola, è arrivata.
Subito scatta un codazzo di paparazzingher (che altro non sono che normalissimi fotografi di gossip vestiti da papa Benedetto 16° per scroccare a più non posso ed entrare dappertutto) che immortalano la Barbie-Occhio-Lesso che scende platealmente dalle scale manco fosse Pizza Nilli sul palco di San Remo del ‘56.
E tutti a gridare “Paris! PARIS” in un tumulto di casino scatafralgicamente ingovernabile (ebbene si…sta parola l’ho inventata: altre domande?).
La tipa si guarda in giro annoiata e si siede vestita in babydoll sul divano centrale. Sciorina un paio di “Oui, c’est moi” con 4 sorrisi di companatico e poi ci fa sentire l’Opera Omnia (si spera, in quanto unica…) del CD in questione.
Si attacca col primo pezzo di merda (e non è un’offesa, ma un complimento): “Turn it up” e uno si domanda cose sull’esistenza di Dio, quanto andrà avanti la Storia dell’Umanità, quando arriva sto cazzo di Giorno del Giudizio, se Calderoli e Borghezio hanno un senso compiuto e cose di questo tipo. La tipa condisce il tutto con mossette da Pin-Up-tardo-romantic-dislessica ballando sul brano e mettendo ben in mostra il suo cellulare.
Adesso, un recensore "serio" dovrebbe spiatellarvi tutta la scaletta brano per brano, magari col commentino appropriato. Ma siccome io rivendico il diritto a NON ESSERE UN RECENSORE SERIO, specie con dischi di questa taratura artistica e etica, mi rifiuto di considerare "seriamente" l’intera faccenda e passo direttamente alla fase B tagliando la testa al toro…anzi, alla topa!
Mi alzo dal mio divanetto, estraggo dal borsone la mia accetta AXE della Viper® (leggera e una delle più affilate, dicono) e senza darle il tempo di ribattere alla domanda (che di fatto NON LE HO FATTO) le sdrumo un colpo sordo sul collo (che invece ha sentito benissimo)! Oh siii, il solito delirio, il solito fuggi fuggi di giornalisti, segretarie, manager, fotografi in abito talare, urla e grida da cani e porci, cagne e Porche (l’auto) in una Celebrazione Collettiva Da Panico Generale. Una noooOOooia mortaaaAAaale.
Qualcuno forse avrebbe desiderato un commento ai singoli brani? La Storia della Musica dirà mai "toh, che è 'sta puzzetta?"Qualcuno sentirà mai la mancanza di questa nuova cantantucola ricca sfondata grazie a Papi Hilton, a parte i soliti 4 spippettari che mi seguono fedelmente da mesi?
«Ho sempre saputo di poter cantare bene e di avere una bella gola a proposito, ma ero troppo imbarazzata per lasciarmi andare. Ma alla fine mi sono buttata», si era confessata al giornale francese Prestige pochi mesi fa. Bene, il discorso gola è stato risolto con un trancio netto alla base e alla domanda “Do ya think i'm sexy” (cover del celeberrimo Rod-Spennacchiato-Stewart) possiamo tutti tranquillamente rispondere: Una volta forse. Ora non più, grazie.
*) Adesso che con la sua “dipartita”si è aperto un posto da testimonial-cellularo, vorrei ufficialmente candidarmi al posto vacante. Costo molto meno e avrei sicuramente più memorabilità e impatto (Oh a Claudiooo, e mmettece ‘na bona parola pure tu, no…eddai che te faccio divertì pure dappiù de quella!!) ?
Elenco tracce testi e video
01 Turn It Up (03:13)
(Uhhh...)
(Yeah...)
(That's hot...)
(Uhhh...)
(Yeah...)
(Get it started, huh...)
(Yeah...)
Gonna make me scream
Wanna cause a riot
Make a lot of noise
I don't want to be quiet
When it gets real loud
Make it even louder
Gotta turn me on (Uhhhhh....)
Gotta make me higher
You gotta know what to do
If you wanna get down
So don't go off too smoothe
You're running out of time
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaaaa...)
Turn it up
Can you make me hot
Make me touch the ceiling
Can you read my mind
Can you gimme that feeling
When I lose my clothes
You like that, don't cha?
Let's get exposed
Cause you know you want to
You got to know what to do
If you wanna get down
So don't go off too smoothe
Now you're running out of time
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!)
Don't play around
(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!)
Let's get it started now
You can get it started
Don't be scared to party
Get up, move your body
It's time to party
You gotta know what to do
If you wanna get down
So don't go off to smoothe
Now you're running out of time
Turn it up (ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
(Make me lose my mind)
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Gonna make me scream
(Gonna make me scream)
Wanna cause a riot
Make a lot of noise
(Ohhh...)
I don't wanna be quiet
(ohhh...)
When it gets real loud
Make it even louder
Gotta turn me on (uhhh...)
Got to make me higher
Gotta know what to do
If you wanna get down
So don't go off to smoothe
Now you're running out of time
Turn it up
(Ohh, don't be afraid to turn it up)
Turn it up
Turn it up
Turn it up
Turn it up
(Ohh, don't be afraid to turn it up)
Turn it up
Turn it up
Turn it up
Ohh, don't be afraid to turn it up
Ohh, don't be afraid to turn it up
(Get it started)
03 Stars Are Blind (03:57)
I don't mind spending some time
Just hanging here with you
Cuz I don't find too many guys
That treat me like you do
Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride
But when I walk their talk is suicide
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride
But you can see the real me inside
And I'm satisfied, oh no, ohh
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine
I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby I'm perfect for you
My love, ohh oh
I could be your confidante
Just one of your girlfriends
But I know that love's what you want
If tomorrow the world ends
Why shouldn't we be with the one we really love?
Now tell me who have you been dreaming of
At night at home? oh no, ohh
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine
I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby I'm perfect for you
Excuse me for feeling
This moment is critical
Might be me feeling
It could get physical, oh no, no no
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine
I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Let's see what this love can do
Baby I'm perfect for you
Baby I'm perfect for you
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
05 Jealousy (03:40)
I thought you were my best friend
I thought we'd be together to the end
Your not the girl I once knew
Tell me were she is cause she's not you
You used to be that shoulder
That shoulder I could lean on through it all
But now its getting colder
There's no love between these walls
Jealousy, Jealousy, Jealousy
Is such an evil thing
To watch someone have
Jealousy, Jealousy, Jealousy
Nobody wins when your full of envy
La, La, La, La......
I was always happy
When I was watching you become a star
But you were only happy
When the world was openin' up my scars
And now I'm like the devil
Well if I am then what does that make you
You sold yourself for your fame
You'll still never walk a day in my shoes
Jealousy, Jealousy, Jealousy
Is such an evil thing
To watch someone have
Jealousy, Jealousy, Jealousy
Nobody wins when your full of envy
La, La, La, La......
06 Heartbeat (03:43)
I was lonely only I didn't know it
I was so sad only I didn't show it
You came like the sun breaking through the clouds
And I found your what I can't live without
You will feel what's up ahead from my heartbeat
I'm complete
And you will help me up again from my heartbeat
That's what I need
No I didn't know what I was missin'
Oh my baby since we've been kissin'
I can feel what's up ahead from my heartbeat
Its so sweet lying here with you
You'll look at me and I see my reflection
You'll understand who I am needs protection
The way you latch to me
The way you love me
And I will love you onto myself
You will feel what's up ahead from my heartbeat
I'm complete
And you will help me up again from my heartbeat
That's what I need
No I didn't know what I was missin'
Oh my baby since we've been kissin'
I can feel what's up ahead from my heartbeat
Its so sweet lying here with you
08 Screwed (03:42)
Let's start it up again
You're under my skin
Same old story�
Boy meets girl
And she falls much harder than him
Baby, where's the glory?
If all night
All night
You're attention�s not mine
Then let's start it up again
You're under my skin
It's a sin
'Cause you're starting to win
Since I'm already screwed
Here's a message to you�
My heart�s wide open
And I'm just lookin� through
To the lover in you�
And I'm still hopin�
That tonight
Tonight
You're gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room
Just to prove it to you�
What do I gotta do?
Just push her aside
She's not your type
So clich� when
A boy falls under the spell
Of a woman from Hell
It's hard to take 'cause
Tonight
Tonight
You could've found out I might
Have been the girl of your dreams
Baby, you might've seen
What it means
Just to really be free
Since I'm already screwed
Here's a message to you�
My heart�s wide open
And I'm just lookin� through
To the lover in you�
And I'm still hopin�
That tonight
Tonight
You're gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room
Just to prove it to you�
What do I gotta do?
Tell me that you do'
Tell me that you do'
Tell me that you wanna take my number
There will come a day
A hazy day in May
Or a storm in mid-December
When you need someone
Just to have a little fun
Then I could be the perfect girl for you to run
Since I'm already screwed
Here's a message to you�
My heart�s wide open
And I'm just lookin� through
To the lover in you�
And I'm still hopin�
That tonight
Tonight
You're gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room
Just to prove it to you�
What do I gotta do?
* REPEAT CHORUS TO FADE *
Carico i commenti... con calma
Altre recensioni
Di mick7
Io non ascolto questa roba, sono prevenuto su tutto ciò il cui nome non inizi per MET e finisca per TAL e mi reputo un misantropo di livello 8.
L’album è stato scaricato da Emule (pensavate che lo avessi comprato magari?!), a una quindicenne stupida e sognatrice potrebbe anche piacere un Kasino.
