Elvis Costello
Armed Forces

01   Accidents Will Happen (03:02)

Oh I just don't know where to begin
Though he says he'll wait forever
It's now or never
But she keeps him hanging on
The silly champion
She says she can't go home
Without a chaperone

Accidents will happen
We only hit and run
He used to be your victim
Now you're not the only one

Accidents will happen
We only hit and run
I don't want to hear it
'Cause I know what I've done

There's so many fish in the sea
That only rise up in the sweat and smoke like mercury
But they keep you hanging on
They say you're so young
Your mind is made up but your mouth is undone

(Chorus)

And it's the damage that we do
And never know
It's the words that we don't say
That scare me so

There's so many people to see
So many people you can check up on
And add to your collection
But they keep you hanging on
Until you're well hung
Your mouth is made up but your mind is undone

(Chorus)

I know, I know, (repeat)


Senior Service
Chorus:

Senior service
Junior dissatisfaction
It's a breath you took too late
It's a death that's worse than fate

Senior service
Junior dissatisfaction
Though it may be second hand
It's by no means second rate

I want your neck
I want the seat that you sit at
I want your cheque
Because they told me I would get on
I wanna chop off your head and watch it roll into the basket
If you should drop dead tonight then they won't have to ask me twice

(Chorus)

They took me in the office and they told me very carefully
The way that I could benefit from death and disability

(Chorus)

I want your company car
I want your girlfriend and love
I want your place at the bar
Because there's always another man
To chop off your head and watch it roll into the basket
If you should drop dead tonight then they won't have to ask me twice

(Chorus)

02   Senior Service (02:17)

03   Oliver's Army (03:00)

Don't start me talking
I could talk all night
My mind goes sleepwalking
While I'm putting the world to right

Called careers information
Have you got yourself an occupation?

Oliver's army is here to stay
Oliver's army are on their way
And I would rather be anywhere else
But here today

There was a checkpoint Charlie
He didn't crack a smile
But it's no laughing party
When you've been on the murder mile

Only takes one itchy trigger
One more widow, one less white nigger

(Chorus)

Hong Kong is up for grabs
London is full of Arabs
We could be in Palestine
Overrun by a Chinese line
With the boys from the Mersey and the Thames and the Tyne

But there's no danger
It's a professional career
Though it could be arranged
With just a word in Mr. Churchill's ear

If you're out of luck or out of work
We could send you to Johannesburg

(Chorus)

04   Big Boys (02:56)

05   Green Shirt (02:42)

There's a smart young woman on a light blue screen
Who comes into my house every night.
And she takes all the red, yellow, orange and green
And she turns them into black and white.

But you tease, and you flirt
And you shine all the buttons on your green shirt
You can please yourself but somebody's gonna get it

Better cut off all identifying labels
Before they put you on the torture table

'Cause somewhere in the "Quizling Clinic"
There's a shorthand typist taking seconds over minutes
She's listening in to the Venus line
She's picking out names
I hope none of them are mine

But you tease, and you flirt...

Never said I was a stool pigeon
I never said I was a diplomat
Everybody is under suspicion
But you don't wanna hear about that

'Cause you tease, and you flirt...

Better send a begging letter to the big investigation
Who put these fingerprints on my imagination?

You tease, and you flirt...

You can please yourself but somebody's gonna get it
You can please yourself but somebody's gonna get it

06   Party Girl (03:21)

07   Goon Squad (03:14)

Mother, Father, I'm here in the zoo
I can't come home 'cause I've grown up too soon
I got my sentence. I got my command
They said they'd make me major if I met all their demands

I could be a corporal into corporal punishment
Or the general manager of a large establishment
They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the rod
But I never thought they'd put me in the

Goon squad. They've come to look you over and they're giving you the eye
Goon squad. They want you to come out to play. You'd better say goodbye

Some grow just like their dads and some grow up too tall
Some go drinking with the lads. Some don't grow up at all

you must find the proper place for everything you see
But you'll never get to make a lampshade out of me

I could join a chain of males or be the missing link
Looking for a lucky girl to put me in the pink
They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the rod
But I never thought they'd put me in the

Goon squad. They've come to look you over and they're giving you the eye
Goon squad. They want you to come out to play. You'd better say goodbye

Mother, Father, I'm doing so well
I'm making such progress now that you can hardly tell
I fit in a little dedication with one eye on the clock
They caught you under medication. You could be in for a shock

Thinking up the alibis that everyone's forgotten
Just another mummy's boy gone to rotten
They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the rod
But I never thought they'd put me in the

Goon squad. They've come to look you over and they're giving you the eye
Goon squad. They want you to come out to play. You'd better say goodbye

08   Busy Bodies (03:35)

So you think that you have seen her, when you're lying in between her
And you tell me that you don't care. Busy bodies getting nowhere

Ev'rybody's getting meaner
Busy bodies, caught in the concertina

You check her outline. Break her regulations
You watch her legs through several service stations

Busy bodies, very busy getting nowhere
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere

Now you're ready for the merger, with the company you're part of
And you do the dirty business, with your latest sleeping partner

You're becoming automatic
Busy bodies, out playing with the traffic

You want attention. You try my patience
With the best intentions you are nothing but a nuisance

Busy bodies, busy busy getting nowhere
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere

Now you've given your performance, 'though the matinee was idle
And you find that with a wave of her right hand could seem so tidal

Just a second satisfaction
Busy bodies, temporarily out of action

You wash and brush up. You want to dress up
You want to kiss her, but she's busy with her makeup

Busy bodies, very busy getting nowhere
Nowhere (x6)

09   Moods for Moderns (02:49)

Moods for moderns. Moods for moderns.
Moods for moderns. Moods for moderns.

I get hit looking for a miss
I never thought that it would come to this

Moods for moderns. Moods for moderns.
Moods for moderns. Moods for moderns.

Though we may never be the same again
I am so proud that you've been taken in vain

What if none of your dreams come true?
I can never run from you
There's never been a how d'you do
There's never been an ending
Soon you'll belong to someone else
And I will be your stranger just pretending

Moods for moderns. Memory lingers
I let you into. Foreign fingers

Moods for moderns. Moods for moderns.
Moods for moderns. Moods for moderns.

I never thought that would see the day
I never thought that I would give you away

What if none of your dreams come true?
I can never run from you
There's never been a how d'you do
There's never been an ending
Soon you'll belong to someone else
And I will be your stranger just pretending

Moods for moderns. Let them break us
Strong and sudden. Foreign fingers

10   Chemistry Class (02:57)

She throws back her hair and she shows you her mouth
The breath that I waste trying to ruin your life
Beauty's on a budget but you take it on the chin
'Cause you have to do your duty taking orders from the kingpin

You've got a chemistry class I want a piece of your mind
You don't know what you started when you mixed it up with mine
Are you ready for the final solution? Oh. Oh.

Chopped you up in butcher's school
Threw you out of the academy of garbage
You'll be a joker all your life
A student at the comedy college
People pleasing people pleasing people like you
You've been around so long but you still don't know what to do

You've got a chemistry class I want a piece of your mind
You don't know what you started when you mixed it up with mine
Are you ready for the final solution? Oh. Oh.

Sparks are flying from electrical pylons
Snakes and ladders running up and down her nylons
Ready to experiment, you're ready to be burned
If it wasn't for some acent accidents then some would never ever learn

You've got a chemistry class I want a piece of your mind
You don't know what you started when you mixed it up with mine
Are you ready for the final solution? Oh. Oh.

11   Two Little Hitlers (03:12)

12   (What's so Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding (03:30)