Pump Up the Valuum
Album - 30 maggio 2000 - Debaser id 10824

[CD lyrics:]
Hello, welcome to our CD
Can you hear the blatant similarity?
To Linoleum and Shadows of Defeat

[Vinyl lyrics:]
Hello, welcome to our disc
Turn it louder, get your neighbors pissed
Or turn it down, it don't matter to me

[Cassette lyrics:]
Hello, welcome to our cassette
Have you started feeling some regret
I guess you can't afford a CD

Mom and dad, howd ya get so rad.
When exacly did you get so hip
Wearing tennage clothes
you're always coming to my shows
And telling me that I should mellow out
It's absurd, you're singin every word
Your not supposed to like my band,
things I like you don't understand
So please put down down the rum and coke,
that's not behavior for old folk
Can't we just hang out on holidays
Dad and mum, what planet are you from
And what convinced you to pack up and leave
Doing drugs and asking me for hugs,
what's the matter with parents today
Not again, when will it end
Dads dressing like motley crue
and why is moms hair dyed bright blue
They're staying out till 2 or 3 and then having sex publicly
I tought the apple fell far from tree
Mom and dad I think you ought, to quit smoking so much pot
And hanging with my friends
Laying round on the couch with my misfits records out
Softly bangin your heads
Maybe it's just a passing phase
What's the matter with my parents these days

This is not a test of the emergency broadcast system, this is a real thing!

Kick back watch it crumble,
See the drowning, watch the fall.
I feel just terrible about it,
That's sarcasm, let it burn!

I'm gonna make a toast when it falls apart.
I'm gonna raise my glass above my heart.
Then someone shouts, that's what they get.
For all the the years of hit and run,
For all the piss broke bands on VH-1.
Where did all their money go?
Don't we all know?
Parasitic music industry,
as it destroys itself.
We'll show them how it's supposed to be.

Music written from devotion,
Not ambition, not for fame.
Zero people are exploited,
There are no tricks, up our sleeve.

Were gonna fight against the mass appeal.
Were gonna kill the seven record deal.
Make records that have more than one good song.
The dinosaurs will slowly die
And I do believe no one will cry,
I'm just fucking glad I'm gonna be,
There to watch the fall!
Pre-Historic music industry,
Three feet in La Brea tar.
Extinction never felt so good.

If you think anyone will feel badly,
You are sadly, mistaken.
Time has come for evolution,
Fuck collusion, kill by five.
Whatever happened to the handshake,
Whatever happened to deals no-one would break,
What happened to, integrity.
It's still there, it always was,
For playing music just because,
A million reasons why,
All dinosaurs will die,
All dinosaurs will die,
All dinosaurs will die.

I’m gonna tell you what I really think I like about Monday
Cause they feel like Saturdays
When you don’t have to go to work, every day is a holiday
I wake up when I want to, I do anything I wanna do
Can’t wait for Tuesday
I really don’t like Fridays I can’t do what I wanna do
Sold out at the movies, can’t eat at the restaurant
Everybody wants to party, but the bar’s full of cigarette smoke
I think I’ll stay home, I think I’ll wait for Monday

I live a five day weekend, I gotta year long holiday
Thanks god it’s Monday
The only place I gotta be is the show or on the first tee
Thank god it’s Monday
Never mind aggravation, just give me modulation gimmie another key

I’ll tell you why I like Tuesdays, cause they’re kinda like Christmas
Come to think about Wednesdays, are a little like Chanakah
Thursdays thanksgiving, I’m talking about good living
I think I’ll give thanx
Thank god it’s Monday

Birds are dumb cause small bird brains
But so are kids and old people
Some birds talk, most others sing
I don't see you eating a talking bird

Pigs smell bad and roll in pooh
But so do kids and elderly
I don't see you chop of an old man's feet
Put them in a mason jar and pickle them

No chowder for you, cause clams have feelings too
Actually they don't have central nervousness
No manhatten style, clams have the right to smile
Come to thin about it they don't have a face



They have no face, no place for ears
There's no clam eyes to cry clam tears
No spixal cord, they must get bored
Might as well just put them out of misery

Although the world could be more selfish
I guess it's alright to eat shellfish

No chowder for you, cause clams have feelings too
I could happen to you, clams have feelings too
I don't think they do, clams have feelings too

Got a no string guitar
Got a sun bathed head
I'm a rock n' roll star

I ain't no musician
Some things are stranger than fishin'

Know how to beat on a drum
Know how to sing out of key
Got some prescription drugs

I ain't no musician
Some things are stranger then fishin'

Yeah I know what I am chop up another gram
Some of us have all the luck
No matter how much we fucking suck

Give her a call for demorol and amal nitrate
I tell her dad don't worry sir we wont stay out late
I'm in love with her, the pharmacist's daugter
She's got my love, I got her drugs
Waking up in the afternoon can't wait to see her
Brigin in some colopin, i'm huffin ether
She's the one for me, without personality, I still want to see her everyday
We got a date and I can't wait to see my baby
If I wine and dine her she just might sedate me
She's so beatiful, she keeps my prescriptions full
She's got my love I get her drugs
Looks like I've gone and bought the pharmacy

You know it when it's over
Doors are closing feel the
Sober staring at you
You better take
One last good look
One more round and
It's bottles to the
Ground smashing
Of the glass what a supersonic sound
You gotta pull the
Plug when it's time
To die bottles to
The ground
Theres a suitcase
On the sidewalk
There's a record in
A milkcrate, she'll be
Staying you'll be
Trowing wiskey
Over one lip
One more round
Then it's bottle
To the ground
Smasing of the
Glass a perfect
Imperfect sound
You gotta pay the
Piper when the rats
Are gone whoa whoa
All bottles
To the ground

Go away sunny day
All the horny people sitting in front of their TV and thinking
What is wrong with me I抦 not a monster
Why won抰 anybody fuck me
I don抰 wanna live life lonely
Why does everyone have to be perfect

Go away sunny day
All the barflys sipping whiskey
Fighting ever present pity
Wondering what they are sucking back for
Is it the drink or trepidation,
Watching all trains leave the station
Left standing alone without a ticket

You light up my life
You give me hope to carry on
You light up my days
And you light up my life

Go away sunny day
Stop searching cause there抯 no answer
Just a long line of disaster
There抯 no simple way to stop the sadness
Life抯 not fair I抦 glad it抯 not
This isn抰 heaven just a lonely planet
On the verge of self destruction

My vagina has two sets of lips,
but I don't get monthly blood drips
My vagina hardly even used
My vagina's got lots of extra skin
They took my outtie and made it an in
Changing Donnie to Marie Osmond

Operation, sex-cessful
But now I gotta pee
Through a miniature hole
Gotta remember to put the seat down
And when I wipe my ass
I go from front to back
Cause I don't want a bladder infection

I never thought I'd miss my vas deferans
I trade it in for a pair of used cans
Now I get to hang with lesbians

Operation, paid up front
Now I show all my friends
My new designer cunt
They think I'm kinda weird
But that's ok with me
Cause now I kick their ass
Played from the ladies team
There's nothing finer
Than having a vagina

Light the match,
Burn the flower,
Leave behind,
All the wrong,
Why be sad,
When happiness can be bought,
For a little more than free,
Modern day prohibition,
Are we men,are we children,
At what age, can I choose,
How to live,
The only real drug problem,
Is scoring real good drugs,
Havent we learned our lesson,
The corner store sells finer scotch,
But who's got uncut powder,
We just want what is ours,
Dignity if god created plants and buds
That I find and abuse
Then who the fuck are you to judge me?

Theme we're professional punkers we come from the sublures
After 15 years we still having fun
Now we're over 30 not looking so purty at least we got a beat up accordian
That's erik our drummer his fathers a plumber
He drank enough booze to get rhode island drunk
Now he's straight but smelly he's got one big belly
From living the good life provided by punk
Singnin singnin singnin
Buy me a beck's bear or pass me the bong
Gimme some bushmills I'll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine we're over 30 doin just fine
El hefe is not satanic he's one hip hispanic
He grew up with one dozencousins and kin
He wears baggy pants and he knows how to break dance
You've seen him doing every impersonation
That melvin on six string "so tell me I can't sing"
Oh I know you can just don't do it around me
Stick with what you know
Playing guitar solo with hetson and watt in punk rock karaoke


Singnin singnin singnin
Buy me a beck's bear or pass me the bong
Gimme some bushmills I'll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine we're over 30 doin just fine
My name is fat mike I'm obsessed by big lesbians
I've been a punk rocker for most of my life
I sing kinda flat I'm not really so fat
But that's how I hit them with a hook or a slice
"i'm kent I do sounds " look he's getting so round
"i'm timmy the turtle" he counts and he clicks
"i'm gay I don't care" someone please cut his hair
"i'm limo from scotland" so give me hanggis
Singnin singnin singnin
Buy me a beck's bear or pass me the bong
Gimme some bushmills I'll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine we're over 30 doin just fine
Buy me a beck's bear or pass me the bong
Gimme some bushmills I'll sing you this song
Buy me a quamlude or chop me a lime we're pushin 40 we're doin just fine