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Se Darwin vivesse ai giorni nostri e invece di perdere tempo a studiare gli uccellini delle Galapagos fosse un esperto di musica rock, avrebbe senz'altro individuato l'anello di congiunzione tra l'hard e il punk. E non sarebbe stato, come tutti possono pensare, uno strano nucleo familiare di quattro falsi fratelli con il cognome uguale, nossignore, ma una tribù di cinque squinternati che vivono selvaggiamente alzandosi a mezzogiorno, cibandosi di hamburgers, giocando uno sport improbabile quale il wrestling, divertendosi con i b-movie e correndo appresso alle ragazze per farsele in un'auto presa in prestito. Non solo, hanno pure il coraggio di mettere in copertina quel brutto ceffo di Handsome Dick Manitoba in una posa da improbabile wrestler destinato a soccombere al primo cazzotto.
E' il 1975 e sotto la produzione di Sandy Pearlman i quattro accordi di "Next Big Thing" riprendono il rock stradaiolo dei concittadini New York Dolls senza alcuna vergogna, ma c'è qualcosa di nuovo nell'aria, l'andamento stravaccato di una ballata come "I got you baby" anticipa certe cose dei Clash cantate con voce indolente da Strummer. L'attacco di " Back to Africa" getta le coordinate del punk "melodico" e "Master Race Rock" con il ritornello in coro da tipico anthem punk fanno capire che i gruppi inglesi debbono molto alla band più sottovalutata del pianeta. Brani come "I live for cars and girl" e "Weekend" mostrano quanto la scrittura del bassista Andy Shernoff (anche direttore di una fanzine) fosse ben superiore a quella elementare delle band che avranno successo qualche anno dopo. E gli assoli al fulmicotone di Ross "The Boss" Funichello sono merce preziosa in un periodo che abolirà i guitar hero. Per non parlare del roadie, cuoco, wrestler, Handsome Dick Manitoba, scheggia impazzita che provoca lo scompiglio con le sue urla di presentazione di un assoluto anthem come "Two Tube Man" che non riuscirete a togliervi più dalle orecchie. Ascoltate la versione di "California Sun" che termina con l'urlo liberatorio chachacha!!!... e siate onesti nell'ammettere che surclassa qualunque altra compresa quella dei fratellini Ramone che verrà qualche paio d'anni dopo.
E perché mai i Dictators non sfondarono? Misteri del rock, questi idioti con il loro atteggiamento cazzone crearono più gente confusa che convinta del nuovo corso che avrebbe dovuto prendere la musica. I frequenti cambi di formazione portarono in seguito al disfacimento della band, Mark Mendoza se ne andò con i Twisted Sister, l'altro chitarrista Scott Kempner formò gli ottimi Del Lords, mentre Ross "The Boss" mise in piedi addirittura i cafonissimi Manowar.
Ci resta tra le mani un disco tra i meno considerati dell'intera storia musicale contenuta in qualsivoglia libro del cazzo. Per fortuna abbiamo le orecchie.
Elenco tracce testi e video
01 The Next Big Thing (04:22)
I used to shiver in the wings
But then I was young
I used to shiver in the wings
Till I found my own tongue
I sock 'em everywhere that I sing
Cause you know baby
I'm the Next Big Thing
I knocked 'em dead in Dallas
And I didn't pay my dues
Yeah, I knocked 'em dead in Dallas
They didn't know we were Jews
I sock 'em everywhere that I sing
Cause you know baby
I'm the Next Big Thing
I'm a fuel injected legend
I don't wanna be a bore
I just wanna live a rich life
And I wanna die poor
But I won't be happy
Till I'm known far and wide
With my face on the cover
of the TV guide
I sock 'em everywhere that I sing
Cause you know baby
I'm the Next Big Thing
04 Master Race Rock (04:14)
Hippies are squares with long hair And they don't wear no underwear Country Rock is on the wane I don't want music, I want pain! Dictators can swing Make you dance and sing Cause an oil spill You don't know us, but you will! We're the members of the master race Got no style, and we got no grace Sleep all night, sleep all day Nothing good on t.v. anyway Gasoline shortage won't stop me now, Oh no! We've reached a higher spiritual plane That is so high, I can't explain We tell jokes to make you laugh We play sports so we don't get fat We can sweat and stink We can eat and drink Don't do what we're told And we're scared of growing old! We're the members of the master race We don't judge you by your face First we check to see what you eat Then we bend down and smell your feet Hope you don't pick your nose! My favorite part of growing up Is when I'm sick and throwing up It's the dues you've got to pay For eating burgers every day Take my vitamin C No one's good for me Life can take it's toll When you're living ROCK N' ROLL!!! We're the members of the master race Got no tact, and we got no taste First you put your sneakers on Going outside to have some fun Dont forget to wipe your ass! C'mon guys! LETS GO! x13
06 California Sun (03:03)
Well, I'm going out west where I belong
Where the days are short and the nights are long
And I walk (and I walk) and I'd run (and I'd run)
And I'd fly (and I'd fly) and I'd boogaloo (and I'd boogaloo)
Where they're out there having fun in the warm california sun
Well, I'm going out west out on the coast
Ah yeah, the Santa Rosa chicks, man, they're really the most
And I'd jerk (and I'd jerk) and I'd monkey (and I'd monkey)
And I'd groove (and I'd groove) and I'd boogaloo-ooo-ooo (and I'd boogaloo)
Where they're out there having fun in the warm california sun
(instrumental break)
And I'd shake (and I'd shake) and I'd skate (and I'd skate)
And I'd shake (and I'd shake) and I'd boogaloo (and I'd boogaloo)
Where they're out there having fun in the warm california sun
Well, the girls are frisky in old 'frisco
Yeah, a pretty little chick, now, wherever I go
And I'd mouse (and I'd mouse) and I'd robot (and I'd robot)
And I'd twist (and I'd twist) and I'd shistaboobah (and I'd WHAT?)
Where they're out there having fun in the warm california sun
Where they're out there having fun in the warm california sun
07 Two Tub Man (04:08)
Two Tub Man
I am a pilgrim looking for danger
I am an outlaw, I am a stranger
I'm just a clown walking down the street
I think Lou Reed is a creep
I need a girl I need release
I can go anywhere, people look and people stare
They all know that I'm the one, not to let your son become
What I want to do I do, who I want to screw I screw
Playin in a heavy band, guess I'm just a Two Tub Man
I drink Coca cola for breakfast
I've got Jackie Onassis in my pants
I'm never gonna watch channel 13
Edjumacation ain't for me
I'm so drunk I can barely see
I can go anywhere, people look and people stare
They all know that I'm the one, not to let your son become
What I want to do I do, who I want to screw I screw
Playin in a heavy band, guess I'm just a Two Tub Man
I never graduated from high school
I wore paisley I was too cool
I think color TV's a gas
I think Joe Franklin is real flash
I don't mind if I gotta kick your ass
I can go anywhere, people look and people stare
They all know that I'm the one, not to let your son become
What I want to do I do, who I want to screw I screw
Playin in a heavy band, guess I'm just a Two Tub Man
08 Weekend (04:01)
Oh Weekend
Benny took downs in class
The principal found his stash
His mother's gonna get his ass
Oh Weekend
In his room he'll stay
Dreamin when he's king he'll say
Everyday is Saturday��
Set me free
I might know better when I'm older
But until then
Just give me a sopor for the weekend
Oh Weekend
Bobby is a local punk
Cuttin school and getting drunk
Eating at Mcdonald's for lunch
Oh Weekend
Soon he threw up in the store
But if he does it anymore
I'll make him eat it off the floor
Set me free
I might know better when I'm older
But until then
Just give me a sopor for the weekend
Oh Weekend
Time to go a bit insane
Beatin up the kids from Spain
I'm tired of this social change
Oh Weekend
Flashing rock and roll guitars
Cruising in my daddy's car
I'll do my homework in the bar
Set me free
I might know better when I'm older
But until then
Just give me a sopor for the weekend
09 (I Live for) Cars and Girls (03:55)
Well I'm the type of guy who's into getting high on a Friday afternoon
So now you know I'm a regular Joe and I'll tell you what I like to do
I like to make the scene
In my machine
I like to make the scene
I leave 'em in another state
Whenever I accelerate
I live for Cars and girls, cars and girls
I live for Car, cars and girls
I live for Cars and girls, cars and girls
I live for Car, cars and girls
There's nothing else in this crazy world
Except for cars and girls
I got a lot of good sittin under my hood but it doesn't make me feel alright
The only time I'm feelin fine is when my baby's sittin tight
I like to get it down
I like to feel the sound
I like to get it down
I leave 'em in another state
Whenever I accelerate
I live for Cars and girls, cars and girls
I live for Car, cars and girls
I live for Cars and girls, cars and girls
I live for Car, cars and girls
There's nothing else in this crazy world
Baby you and me will go
A cruisin everywhere we know
We'll take a trip out to the west
Cause the coast's the most
'cause the surfin's best
The fastest car and a movie star are my only goals in life
It's the hippest scene, the American dream and for that I'll always fight
I like to get it down
I like to feel the sound
I like to get it down
I wanna drive the fastest car
I wanna drive the fastest car
I wanna drive the fastest car
Cars, girls, surfin beer
Nothin else matter here
I live for Cars and girls, cars and girls
I live for Car, cars and girls
I live for Cars and girls, cars and girls
I live for Car, cars and girls
There's nothing else in this goddamn world
Except for cars and girls
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